Friendship breakups are weird and hard

Friendship break ups are a mysterious thing. Unlike regular breakups, where we have rituals, romcoms, cliches, basically a script to follow, friendship breakups are a much murkier proposition.

How do you tell a friend that your lives no longer align? That you no longer find the relationship mutually beneficial? You don't dislike the person, you just aren't inclined to spend time or energy to continue to grow with them.

I have been on the giving and receiving end of a few friendship breakups in my life and they have never been clear cut. Sometimes I reach out repeatedly and plans get cancelled until I get the hint. Other times I see someone is calling and I'd rather keep doing whatever I'm doing at the time then answer. After a while, they stop calling.

What makes friendship breakups tricky is that without clear communication, you never know if a break is underway or if the other person is just busy.

I used to joke with my friends that we should plan to hangout once a quarter. And these were people I cared about! I just enjoy staying home, I don't know what to say.

But the toughest thing about these breakups is that there is no language around closure. In romantic relationships, folks throw around "It's not you, it's me," and often things like physical intimacy complicate things. But in a friendship, you can't attribute the fissure to bad sex.

No, who you are fundamentally is not someone I care to know.

Those are harsh words to say to anyone, and I understand why no one says them to me. Ghosting is the cowards way out but bravery is never as common as one would like.

Chimdi Ihezie6 Comments