It can be tricky deciding how much of what you care about is you, and how much of it is what your culture has told you is valuable.
I often feel this push and pull when it comes to working on my passions. Editing is lonely work, it needs to be done in quiet and it takes hours of intense concentration. But our culture, and myself as an extension of it, values relationships.
Building them. Nurturing them. Leaving yourself open to stopping what you would do alone to incorporate others.
For instance, I know I need to maintain a consistent editing schedule to reach my goals of regular uploads. But the alternative to sitting alone in a room editing is taking a walk on the beach. Exploring a new culture. Having a delicious dinner. Going out dancing. The list goes on.
But if I miss an editing session, no one I was out dancing with will sub in to sync my audio and video clips.
No one I was dining with will edit my raw footage down.
No one I was exploring with will add my titles and transitions.
And once the video is live, I'm not sure those same friends I was walking on the beach with will press play.
That's because this passion is mine, not theirs. I'm the one that gets excited by it, I'm the one who will stay up late working on it. I am the one that must make the sacrifices if I want to see my vision become real.
People that are not driven in the same way will not understand it. Sometimes I even question whether the sacrifices are worth it. But I know ultimately that the satisfaction I get when I behold my creations is ultimately unmatched.
It's the feeling I crave more than anything, and this passion is the fuel of my life.
So again I sit in my lonely room. The clock strikes midnight.
And I'm elated.